Complicated Girl, Simple Lifestyle, Conventional Needs

If it's not been already coined out, i am laying first claim to copyright.

Bloody hell. I've IDIOTS for group mates. Today was supposed to be a good day, but it's Murphy Law (i alwiz use this theory when i cant comprehend something). Everytime u think a day will end up good and u wait in anticipation, it is alwiz ALWIZ screwed.

Ok, ok. *Deep breath*. Good side is Jun finally came bak in a piece. Bad news is out of my short list of 'to-get things', he brought only one back. 3 packs of facial cotton. And a scrunchie (tie hair rubber band) and a small bear. Those 2 dun count becos they would not in the initial list.

Where are my shoes? My god, the way i wear my 'Birkie' sandals to work and walking to and from work, sch and everywhere, i've already worn out both my new sandals. And the small alarm clock leh? My god, you went to the 2 cheapest places in the world and you didnt get stuff that are cheap as dirt there? Anyway tis post isnt about him. Coined term above not him.

Fugstards are the idiots whom i have for group members. I already try not being the leader nowadays bcos from 3 yrs of leadership role in poly, i am bloody sick of it. It's a thankless job that would have you vomitting your brains out and frequently result in silent heart attacks at the depth of the stupidity of ur members. One day if i suddenly suffer a real heart attack or stroke at the age of 30, i would prob say it is the latent effect of being a team leader since poly.

I try to avoid it now, meaning i dun take action to get some action out of other members until the very last min. Think: few days before the deadline is due with nothing done. However, i find that even with this attitude, there are people who would happily be oblivious to the impending deadline and wait for someone to start the ball rolling.

People, y the hell cant u be more initiative? I am the one working 15 hour weeks, having other commitments as well, and have 4 other individual essays!

First, MCO group. Tis fri we present the case study, thurs morning must email powerpoint slides and notes to the tutor. Last week i msged everyone (after waiting for the ENTIRE easter break to pass, *&%^$#!) asking if we are gonna do anything about it since nth has been done. Save for Vicky (not one of the fugstards, although doesnt like to return ppl calls), none of them even replied back until tis monday. Asking if we can meet up on Anzac day.

Hello? U wait a wk to reply my sms and you wanna meet on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY? You will have nth to contribute cos u din even read the bloody case cos u dun even have the book! So u want me to meet u all up and nothing will get done bcos everyone is busy reading the case from my textbook. U want me to give up my well-deserved PH that could have been spent doing more meaningful stuff just to stare in space doodling while you guys read?! Siao. And that was just one guy. The other din even reply, *&%!

Fine. I cant attend Fri's makeup tute for the presentation anyway. Me and Vicky decided to take half the qns, each one take 2 qns to prepare n present. I take 3 cos I am not going to tute on Fri so will email Vicky the full answers n own slides, and she will just blab out my part. So Vicky can take charge of the remaining shit from there n i will be free once i send her my stuff. By tonight, since i got the MCO essay to finish in 2 days. And i know she wouldnt even try as hard as me. Prob just send them an email or sth n if she doesnt get any reply she will just email the tutor.

The bloody unit is also partly to blame. Want us to put in so much effort, but u dun wanna assign even minimal marks for our effort. What do u expect other than shit-titude? U make it compulsory but on the other hand u wun even give us a 5 or 10% allocation for class participation or sth. Hello, uncle? Your unit has a a composition of half Asians and half locals. Asian mentality = no incentive, no workee. Also, your unit is competitng with other units with regards to the effort taken by the student as well. And they are ALL compulsory tutes like yours, BUT we get marks allocated for completing each tutorial or presentingl. From the student's perspective who is faced with many essays and projects and compulsory tutes to prepare for, which unit do u think they will put more effort in when it comes to their turn? Even that can be justified from the locals' perspectives.

So fug it. Me and vicky agreed that we will do our parts, and not get worried about the fugstards' lack of responsibility. Worse come to worse, email Eric (tutor who is French and i am in love with his accent and smile) telling him that we did half but God knows where the fuckstards are now despite repeated emails, smses and calls. So if he wants, he can let Vicky present Qn 1-4 and take over from there; or he can present himself.

Second, GMKTG group project. Bloody gal took the DVD to burn and after more than a week when we are supposed to meet in 2 days, tells us that she couldnt burn them cos 'dunno why'. Fine, but cannot tell me/us in advance so we can help ah? Nevermind, i told her i would try to find someone with DVD burner. In the end i found out that it couldnt be burned cos the blank CDs that she gave me were only for VCD/CDs; not DVD content. Not enought memory space in them to burn the case study video. That gal studies IT, IT!! Gawd, i dunno whether i should laugh, cry, or tear my hair out while beating myself senseless. Even I, the computer imbecile knew what was wrong with the blank CDs. We are meeting on Thurs, and only 2 of us have watched the video 2 weeks ago. Like hell anything can come out of that meeting. To think i am sacrificing my only 1 hr lunch break in the whole week for tis kinda shit.

Last time i used to get agitated by lack of quality and late handing of parts to me (both usually come hand in hand tog) and i would slog my ass n spend sleepless nights SINGLEHANDEDLY rewriting the entire project into HD-worthy quality. U know what was the only thing i remembered from the 3 yrs of poly? Not the exhilaration of getting A+ for projects nor the praises from lecturers (think they just wanted to kiss my ass cos i was a top student; their only hope to the BS department getting recognition. I am that cynical.).

All i remembered throughout the 6 semesters was that stress would accumulate and I would suffer from breakdowns EVERY SINGLE TIME starting the middle of every semester right until exams finished. I had no life. No proper meals; couldn't sleep; i had no time to go back home; i would cry every single day during the week the project was due, terrified that i couldnt finish in time. I would be irritable; i would binge eat; i would get so horrified at my binge eating i would throw up. I would give shit to my boyfriend, my parents, even the auntie i was staying with.

In the past, everytime someone congratulated me or made some comment about how smart i was, what an achiever i was, i responded with 'No lah, i am not that smart.' AND I REALLY TRULY BELIEVED IT. I am not smart, i was just lucky cos i was hardworking in the early stages of poly. By the time i wanted to be myself and relax, I found i couldnt because i was already being groomed and pushed to be one of the best. I know that nobody got more fuss than me (save the ones like Dean etc), that lots more strangers knew my name than i knew theirs; i was groomed to push myself to the limit by my 'special mentors'. They pushed me to excel, to maintain excellent grades while heaping external duties and responsibilities to me. In a way i am grateful because if it weren't for them, i would never have known that Steffi was capable of so much.

But I was miserable, my life miserable. I used to smile when people said they envied me. But inside i felt that it was some kind of curse; the day i found out i was 3rd in my level and attended my first Academic Achievement Award ceremony, my life changed. I knew alot of people used to say i was very dao n look proud / hao lian in poly bcos i was not a, but THE top student of BS. Bullshit (pun intended). What do u expect huh? U dun give a girl enuf sleep until she is so cross-eyed and blur she cant even recognize anything within a metre of her, and u expect her to be bubbly and friendly? I couldnt even walk straight properly then. Remembered that during those times, i hated myself for becoming who i had become, wishing that nothing had happen. Thinking back to the past, I laugh at all the phoney and heavily edited speeches I made; be it for Student Inc or my graduation ceremony.

Now, i dun give a shit. U give me shit, i just correct ur grammar and pass up shit. Remember, i now aim for an average of 70, not bloody HDs anymore. Ok lah i admit if it's too shit i would attempt to make it appear less shitty, just to pass. But that's all.

Aaaah...the angst, the angst of it all let out. Feels so good. I never told this to anyone before. Apologise for all the expletives used. Had a shitty day anyway. Didnt sleep at all last night. Den went all the way to Vic market only to find out that everything was closed. Oei! U are considered one of the tourist destinations in Melbourne, how can you all close on a public holiday? It's the only time people can go to the market. Idiots.

As the day went on, we found out that everything really comprised of EVERYTHING. Myers, David Jones, all jewellery shops, Priceline etc were all closed. Great. The only time i get to go shopping and every single place i wanna go is closed. Shit, this is Melbourne, not Perth ok?! After resting for one hr (it's amazing, i can just eat and sleep right away, but i was so exhausted), we found out that some of the shops were open. Wah, faster rush there. immediately re-energized. Just when i walked into ValleyGirl, having seen 3 flattering bottoms on display, my someone's mom rang MY hp. I kid you not, the timing was really that 'zhun'. The mother was in her usual high form man..screamed n yelled at him cos he wasnt back yet and she was expecting him. Asked him to take train n bus back himself cos the car is spoilt. Hello, auntie? It was only 4pm then and your son is 26 yrs old this year, not a kid anymore! Man, no wonder he is so gay.

So there you have it. Instant deflation of spirits and enuthusiasm. Mood to return to ValleyGirl gone, even though the bottoms were flattering AND below aud20. He wanted to go back right then but we had already bought movie tickets. Even though i was so pissed, i kindly offered to ask if we could refund the movie tickets so he could die in the bloodbath earlier. But we couldnt.

What else went wrong huh? Oh yeah, bananas supply officially ran out cos even Safeway doesnt sell them at the ridiculous price of $6/kg, let alone the markets. So my banana cake for Friday's bdae dinner is officially screwed and i gotta look for a suitable replacement. Oh yeah, and after taking a nap at 9 just now, i woke up and got so stressed i ate too much again. So, shit, no need to sleep tonight already. At least i got time to rant and rave on this post, and finish the presentation part within 5 hours. Tomorrow need to work 6 hrs starting 930. Having to face Pam and to stand her bossing me for 6 hrs, with no sleep to back me up, i dunno if i can take it.

It's gonna be a long, shitty day tomorrow.

Seriously, i think this Easter break is really rendering me with constipation - hence the use of 'shitless'. I would love to go on and whine about how affected my current poo has become but will spare you all.

It's so boring it's not funny. Now in box hill doing nothing save listening to people whine and looking on as the same person forces food down my throat. And taking toddlers down to the playground (73..74...75 trees!! Jie-jie, i need to go NOW. I'm bursting! Buy ice cream? Buy tim tams? No? Waaaaah!!! *cries for at least half an hr*).

Initially thought that if i came down to Box Hill, i could force myself to start on research (cos boring mah). Should have known better tat nothing, not even boredom, would get me to that stage, save for desperation.

4 essays, 3 individuals and one group, due a week after classes resume. Great. Should start now, but am totally lost.

Oh yeah, the party on Sunday was great. Went over to Albert's to help prepare food the night before and 4 hours before the party started. The banana cake and curry puffs which i had a hand in were a hit. Met lots of new people. Some from Sydney, some from Perth (my goodness, seemed that people were flying into Melb from all over that weekend!). Some were cute, many were flirty. By the end of the night, me and Tai were the only ones still sober. The rest were either passed out, crying, dirty dancing or puking.

It's not really a good thing at times, being sober. Cos you end up being the one to clean up the mess (puke, dirty dishes), making sure there is still food on the table, going out to buy supper for fussy eaters who refuse to eat food on the table cos 'i dun like this kinda food'. Plus you tend to eat more yourself cos you aint drinking.

But all in all, it was good fun. Kudos to Dave who helped me down the vodka and midori shots when Eason made us drink..Else i wouldnt been able to stick to my one standard drink limit (it was used up an hour before the party started). I also managed to find a boyfriend (K: dun we make a cute couple?) and a husband (E: when you wanna become my housewife?) that night, haha. 2 pretty cute guys somemore. Too baaad....

Glad to have met friends like Natalie (too bad she passed out before the party started) and Donny (my gawd the guy is outrageous) from Sydney - very fun loving people. Hope Eason gets to transfer to Melbourne.

Mental note to remind myself to invite Tai for lunch and gym when I'm back in the city (we agreed to be gym partners for motivation purposes); borrow Dave's cookbook; make Shanghai red bean pancake for Kelvin and....gotta stop here cos brain aches from having to think too much.


And now...anybody can think up of a good excuse to get out of this house and back to the city? I'm planning to 'take my leave / escape' by tomorrow evening.

Research time.

Having Easter break now..until 24th Apr. Dreading it cos it would mean me being bored shitless. Missing out on trips and having to stay at home to finish up 4 essays and countless of readings. Can't do it. Man, i even miss work. Restarting work on 26th April. Geez.

Last night was ok. Went to Ying Thai 2 for Gary's birthday dinner. Adi (his housemate) and I got talking about management and engineering and the vast difference between the 2 courses. He was really engrossed in the discussion as Gary had to wave the menu in front of him to get him to order his drink. Like Adi. He is a nice guy.

Dinner was alright. Had to wait really long for a table. Food servings pretty small for the group of us. Rather salty but maybe cos i cook alot by myself and cant stand salty dishes. After that, got informed that Friday being Good Friday, all shops and supermarkets would close (some bloody regulation i was told). Rushed to Safeway to get enuf food for the weekend and for a dinner i am preparing for friends later.

Reven called to say his friends were at the wine bar downstairs so popped by for a short while. Ended up staying with them til 2am until the bowling bar Strike kicked us out. Keeping to my promise to not getting drunk (so soon) so had one bourbon coke only. Everyone is so proud of me, hehe. I hear applause around. Thank you, thank you.

Met an interesting gal in one of Reven's friends. Judy or Jodie, forgot lah. Also Malaysian but way way richer. Well-travelled, like the classics and has a mind of her own. As in not at all tuned to the submissiveness of the Asian culture. Very open also. Unfortunately smokes too much. Was sitting next to her and the smoke engulfed me for the 3 hrs i was there. She smoked 12 sticks in 3 hrs! Skin was itching by the time i got back.

We got into a very interesting and unique discussion. Alot of the topics which were unprintable anyway. Stuff like the discrete segregation between Asians and angmohs here, necrophillia, washing up after the toilet, ass-licking (literally), sick stuff that sick people do to get aroused etc. Let's just say that i have been sufficiently traumatized and will never look at another person's butt without feeling eeewh. Eeeewh.

Its a rare occasion (and ought to be celebrated) whenever i lose my appetite for the day. Keep going toilet and only had a chunky slice of watermelon the whole day. Probably facilitated by the recurring image of shit and butt-shit. Damn.

Oh yeah. Sunday night there's a pajamas party at Albert's apartment, 8.30pm. Apparently, there's finger food and lots of drinks. I wonder what i should wear..Elmo pyjamas set? Nothing to wear lah....

Damnit Damnit Daaaammmmnniittttt!!!!!

I woke up early for this class, power-walked to uni and made it in less than 20 mins, I even read up on the lecture beforehand.

Got there in time. Waited 20 minutes, lecturer didnt show. Everyone left.

Apparently he is sick. But you should have told us earlier, Adam Barsky. Not the late night before! Now i am stuck in uni until 5.15pm.

Calm down..what's the good side of this calamity? I got time to blog and erm...surf? Oh yeah and print lecture notes for today...

But I could have spent the extra hour on my Ethics essay due Friday. Another sleepless night tonight cos I was only able to crap the introduction out last night. What does one expect with over 150 pages of research to skim through? I gotta finish up the essay by tonight or at least Fri morning 6am cos Boss needs me to help out for lunch time on Fri.

This is killing me.

I could have had 8 hours of sleep!! Aaaaargh!

Ciao people. I will resume contact with the world after Fri 5 pm. If i haven't pass out yet, that is. Take care!

A called last night. I dunno for what. Pretty surprising cos he called from his hp while at work. It wasnt even for anything important cos the conversation was exactly the same as all those in the past.

First, the qns are alwiz asked by me, with him giving the same answer 'fine' or 'very good'. After all these yrs i can even re-enact the conversation mentally.

My side: How are you? I am good. So how is work? Good, good. Happy for you. How is your mom? Good, good to hear that. Send my regards to her. How is life for you other than work? Girlfriend? Is there anything else you can say other than 'good'? Ok, i have run out of things to say...we talk the next time yeah. Take care. See you later. Bye bye.

Him: I'm fine. How are you? How is work/studies? Doing ok, work is usual. Mom is good. I will send regards, dun worry. Life is good. No girlfriend, just flirting around at the moment (partially made up, dunno true anot, hehe). Very good. Yup, take care. Byebye.

So there we have..this standard conversation that plagued us for as long as i can remember. Do i hear snores from people already? Sufficiently bored to death, guys?

Anyway..not blogging to bitch about my mundane conversations. But just that he left me confused and wondering why he called the whole of last night. I know, i shouldnt even ponder over an apparently meaningless conversation. Think so much for what right? But I just did. Cos even though the conversation was the same, the fact that he called using his hp while working was out of place.

I always prided myself that he was one of the few boyfriends I knew inside out. When i was with him, i could predict what he was doing at any time of the day. I knew the different groups of friends he had, his colleagues, his relatives, his army buddies etc. Probably because of that, I had alot of trust in him even though my primary principle in life was 'Do not trust cute guys'.

Anyway, i still dunno why i am thinking of that, or even blogging about this inane, less than 5-mins call. I think blogging about things that you should get on with and forget about is ultimately bad for the healing process. Blogging can be therapeutic but also evil.

Damnit, there were so many things i wanted to blog about like the Commonwealth celebrations and games, yesterday's Turkish dinner at Brunswick, my first pizza made on Friday, how Jewel flew back yesterday and is now snoring in my bed etc. No mood liao.

Damn long distance relationships.

UPDATE: Remember the bet i had with Jun over whether one of the 2 gals sharing a room in his house would move out within 2 months? I won. Tr just moved out last week. Nehhh-neh-neh-neh-Nehhh...Hehe.

Literally.

Really. I tot i was gonna die.

Wat happened was, i was swallowing 4 fish oil vitamins at one shot mah. One went the wrong way n got stuck in my throat.

Omg!! To relieve the horror again sends shiver to my spine...I started choking, den felt windpipe was blocked. There was this sharp pain there as well. I tried drinking water, no use. Tried vomitting it out, no use also.

Was contemplating calling either both the Js. But then one is in Box Hill, the other is in Bourke street. By the time either gets here dunno if i alive anot. I didnt even know whether to go to pharmacist, doctor or hospital emergency ward. In the end i decided to go downstairs to pharmacist cos it was nearest and i was afraid that i might not be able to breathe later on.

I crawled down n at the entrance, i gave a small burp (I know, very disgusting. But at least i am professional n report true facts instead of making it up). Immediately after that the airway felt much more relieved, but still hurting. I still asked the pharmacist wat to do. She said that something probably inflammed my throat n there is nothing they can prescribe me anyway. Ask me drink alot of water. I think she tot that i was over-reacting.

Concluded that that didnt really help. Self diagnosed myself n decided i must burp more to make the pain go away. So what did i do?

I went in my slippers n 3/4s (which was not of comfy material) to the gym. Must burp mah, so i figured exercise shld do it. Did threadmill n some weights barefooted. Think it helped cos after that i gave a few more small burps, n now except for my sole hurting, and throat hurting, is ok le.

Decided to post tis incident cos the last time i tot i nearly died choking to death was when i was 4, swallowed a sotong in haste, and couldnt breathe for 10 seconds. Now that was scary n traumatic.

By the way, i got the job confirmed. Working at Carlton Megabytes. RMIT cafeteria for prob 4 days a wk. Working less than 3 hrs a day though. Esp tues & thurs which is only 1.5 hrs each. Damn, how much pay can that accumulate to in a wk?

Bad points are :
- Will have to shift one of my tutorials to Wed late afternoon,
- sacrifice both my Tues n Thurs lunch breaks.
- If i take a 15 mins break, they deduct 15 mins pay (hw to calculate that man?). If i dun take break, i gotta leave early. So either way i cant earn more.
- Pay is (brace yourselves) $9 an hour.

Man, this is the most depressing n dissatisfying part of the whole job. I was even gung-ho about cleaning the toilet n washing dishes (until Chai explained to me that nobody likes washing dishes cos it spoils the hands.). I was expecting minimum 10/hr, cos tats wat they pay for casuals COH in the suburbs. This is the city we talking about! Going rate is at least 12 an hr or sth. Tat piece of news really deflated my enthusiasm.

To give them some credit n explain y i didnt leave the job there n then, here r the gd points:
- U can eat their food for free, anything. So i save on daily lunches n groceries. :)
- Job is easy, although tiring. I learnt almost everything except making sandwiches n coffee. Prob will master sandwiches by end of next wk.
- Ppl there frenly (except bro-in-law who is just aloof anyway. As long as it doesnt piss me off) n environment quite nice.
- Not working many hrs a wk so studies wun go too downhill? (Guessing, and also cos i run out of excuses)

So..how? Take or not to take? Tell me yeah.

Meanwhile, i gotta go prepare dinner.